Dilemma of NRIs about moving back to India

I immigrated to the United States in 2003. It was a life-changing decision for me and my family. There is a strong presence of the Indian community in the USA. I meet many NRIs most of them work in the science and technology field as I also work in the field of science. During most of the meetings, the subject of whether to go back to India or settle in the US comes more often. Many NRIs have been in a dilemma for a very long time about whether to settle in the USA or go back to India. A few days back, I read an article on Quora about this subject. The article is a good attempt to tackle this subject. The author tried to offer his take on this subject based on the opinions of people in his friend circle and his own experience. One thing that I found missing in the article is that the author didn't compare the data gathered in the US with the data of people in similar age groups who migrated back to India, this would have given some comparative picture. The article only presents one side of the story and draws conclusions based on only one set of data. What if people in the 21-28 age group are generally happy and enthusiastic about their work and social life, what if people who are 50 and above are generally worried about their kid's future and somewhat unhappy about their surroundings? If that's the case, then one cannot say that the feelings of NRIs are only due to the geographical location, but it could be also because of their age group, irrespective of where they live.

I want to share my own experience in this area. Maybe it will add something to this debate or help some NRIs to make up their mind to resolve their own dilemma. I immigrated to the USA to get some professional experience in the area of drug discovery and earn some money. Lack of access to sufficient money even for necessary things like education was a big hurdle for my family's economic progress. It was practically impossible for me to earn enough money by doing a job in my field in India and uplift my family's economic status. Moving to some other country was the most common path taken by many researchers back then to solve this money problem and this also helped to increase their job prospects if they returned to India, and that's what I did. My initial plan was to work in the US for 3-4 years and then go back to India and work in the area of drug discovery. As per my plan, I seriously considered moving back to India in 2007, but it didn't work out. There were two main reasons why I didn't move back. First, I didn't see any benefit in doing that, and second, I fell in love with the USA.  

I met some incredible people in the US who introduced me to a great working culture and a plethora of opportunities that are available for everyone. I also met my mentor and a great human being, Dr. Devraj Singh during my initial stay in New Jersey and it was another turning point in my life. I not only found a very good mentor, but also a caring elder brother who advised me on various aspects of life, introduced me to some great books, and encouraged me to take on new challenges. I am eternally grateful to him for this. His guidance helped me to smoothly transition into this new life. I wish every immigrant to meet with a mentor like him in this country who can introduce them to the good things this country has to offer to every immigrant. I also consider myself extremely lucky to work with some great people in my area of research, my all bosses in academia as well as in Industry are extremely talented and helpful people. They all contributed something meaningful to my life and taught me something that helped me a lot to become a better person. 

Apart from all these personal experiences, my wife and kids got incredible opportunities that were impossible for them in India. This is especially true in my case due to my social and familial background. I understand that this may not be the case with everyone, but in my case, this was a huge plus factor for me. The kind of evolution I witnessed in my wife's personality and the way my kids enjoyed their schooling in the US education system made me love this country even more. So far my stay in the USA is an extremely enjoyable journey. As far as relatives in India are concerned, this is a big concern for most NRIs. This is one factor that makes most NRIs worry as they feel that the geographical separation and lack of their presence in India might affect and weaken most of their relations with their relatives in India. This concern is not unwarranted, this is a very genuine concern. I consider myself an introverted person, and I also went through this worry. But for me, this geographical separation helped to strengthen my bond with my parents. I was born and brought up in a very conservative and patriarchal environment. There was no culture of having any meaningful conversations with parents. The parent-child relationship was very formal, there was a lot of fear (labeled as respect), and also gratitude because of all the hard work parents did. But, there was no frankness in that relationship. There used to be very minimal and only necessary conversations between parents and kids in the society where I grew up. But now, I am in regular touch with my parents in India. I must mention that our relationship has become more strong and deeper than ever. I talk with them regularly on various subjects. Subjects range from women's rights, politics, superstitions, casteism in India, many family issues, as well as their own personal issues. I don't know how much my moving to the US contributed to this, but this happened only in the last 10-12 years. No matter how busy I am with my work or studies, I make it a point to find some time to call them or video chat with them multiple times a week. This is a snapshot of my own story. 

The subject of moving back to India is a big dilemma for many NRIs. It is regularly discussed in Indian gatherings and I also participated in many such discussions. My own observation is that people want to have all the comfort and advantages that life in the US offers them, and at the same time, they also crave for so-called Indian culture and geographical proximity of their relatives. Many NRIs also believe that India today is the same India that they left several years back. They willfully ignore all the socio-economic changes India has gone through during all those years since they moved out of India. The main reason why many NRIs don't want to move back is the same laundry list of problems like corruption, lack of opportunities for their kids, pollution, lack of discipline in social and public life, and many other day-to-day hassles of life in India. They complain about these things as if these things originated only after they moved out and hence India has become inhabitable for them, so they can't go back even if they want to. This reasoning doesn't make any sense to me. All these problems were present more or less when each one of us left India for better opportunities, maybe the intensity of some of the problems might have increased or decreased over the years since we left, but these problems were still there when I was contemplating to move back to India, but they were not the deal breakers for me. So, I can't cite these as a reason for my decision not to move back to India. Another reason is many NRIs keep on worrying about the effect of the US culture on their kids without even understanding what is the US culture. The US is extremely successful today because of its culture, not despite it. The freedom, individual rights, protection of the law, and opportunities that it offers to every individual are not available in other parts of the world (definitely not in India). Calling the US culture materialistic and Indian culture spiritual is foolish. Indian society is as materialistic as the US society and there is nothing wrong with being materialistic. This unnecessary fear of an invasion of the US culture adds unwarranted tension to the lives of many NRIs. The irony is that they fear moving back to India and they also worry about the consequences of not moving back to India, it seems many of them feel like they have two worse options to choose from.   

Many NRIs waste so much time in contemplating what to do that by the time they reach any conclusion it is too late, and they feel trapped. They feel trapped due to their kids, career, or some other reason. This feeling of entrapment brings sadness, but this can happen even in India as well. You don't have to be outside India to fall into this trap. My parents moved from one part of India to another (from UP to Maharashtra), and they faced the same dilemma. Many people in India live away from their families because of their jobs and face the same anxieties. I love the freedom that life in the US offers to me. I am involved with my work, and I am interested in politics as well as the social and cultural life of the US. This is why I don't miss India as much as I used to during my initial days in the USA. This doesn't mean that I don't care about India or I have forgotten everything about it. I just can't because it's my birthplace and I have spent a significant part of my life there. It is always in my thoughts and will remain forever. But, the big change is that I love the USA as much as I love India. 

I have a simple advice for all NRIs who are trapped in this dilemma. First, decide what are your priorities (caution: this is not as a simple task as it sounds). Second, decide which country fits best to achieve those priorities. Third, don't compare your situation with others as you don't know what are their problems and priorities. Everyone's needs and problems are different. Finally, there is no guarantee that what we plan will work for sure, but without implementing that plan we will never know, so work on your plan with full confidence. For some NRIs, India might be the best place to live and excel in professional life, and for others, it might be some other country. There is no universal solution that can work for everyone to resolve this dilemma. Each individual needs to decide what is best for his/her family and act accordingly. One last thing, Steve Jobs said, "It's easy to connect the dots backward," don't fall prey to the hindsight bias. Learn from mistakes and move forward, don't worry too much about the past, and look at the future as that's the only thing we can possibly change. 

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

Are we getting too political on social media?

There is no doubt that social media has changed the way we communicate in today's world. I don't think anytime in the history of humans, there was a time when so much of our communication was in a written form rather than in a spoken form. The easy availability of the internet and smartphones has made social media accessible to many, and this has revolutionized the way we share our views with each other. A vast number of people are connected with each other via the internet than any other medium before. This number is huge compared to what telephone or radio managed to connect when they were at their peak. Various social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, and Instagram have made instant broadcasting of information very easy. Today, we can broadcast any event of our life if we want to do so, and there is an audience for it from all over the world. I also notice that people are more eager than ever to share with the world what's going on in their lives, and the concept of privacy is not the same as it was just a decade ago. Many gigabytes of data about our textual, audio, or video are generated every moment and stored in various places in the cloud. We don't even know where are our footprints on the internet, it is impossible to track them. This is all a recent phenomenon, we still don't know the pros and cons of this. Eventually, we should be able to figure this out in the coming years, but for the time being, we all are witnessing this explosion of data generation and sharing.

Another thing that I noticed is how much people discuss politics on social media. I see that many friends from my Facebook friend post only something related to politics on their personal walls. No doubt, politics is an important part of our lives as it affects all of us. It is also important to share our political opinions and voice our views on various political and social matters. But, if all we share is our political opinion and nothing else, then that conversation becomes extremely monotonous and boring, and nothing remains surprising in our posts as most people know what are our political views and what are we going to post based on our political leanings. Such postings might help in initiating some fierce political discussions or arguments, but definitely, they don't help to expand our social circle or to have some meaningful conversations on social media. Such repeated political postings make our social media account look like an unofficial mouthpiece of some political party or leader. It seems that for many people there is nothing worthwhile to discuss apart from politics on social media. This trend really bothers me a lot, this is one of the reasons why I reduced my presence on Facebook. 

I do recognize the relevance and use of social media in keeping in touch with friends and relatives with whom it is impossible to interact in person. This is why I joined all these platforms and I am still active on most of them. Social media is of great help to bridge the distance gap and makes it possible to interact with people who are miles apart from us. I wish people use it to discuss various other things apart from politics. I want to have meaningful conversations about other issues as well, I want people to be less political and more social on social media. Let politicians discuss only politics, it is their profession and they have a job to do. We are not professional politicians and our social media posts should show this diversity. We need to be conscious about not becoming the unofficial spokesperson of any political party. This might also help to reduce the spread of fake news and rumors through social media. The increasing political nature of social media makes it possible for some people to use it to spread fake news and disturb social harmony. Only vigilant and alert social media users can stop such misuse, let's be more social and less political.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

Prevalent sexism on social media

I have noticed prevalent sexism in social media conversations, especially on WhatsApp. Unfortunately, I notice sexism very easily and I am very sensitive to it. I notice it multiple times a day, in many WhatsApp messages. I receive, jokes which people forward to me, comments they make on various social media platforms, traditions they talk about, traditions they praise about, and many other things. I tirelessly try to point it out to people around me, especially to people from my own family because first, I should make my own family aware of this prevalent sexism before I try to change rest of the world. Many times people who forward or say those things don't even realize that there is something sexist in it. The main reason behind this mindset is a deep cultural history of sexism in every society. Developed nations are taking conscious efforts to remove this sexist mindset but in countries like India with strong patriarchal culture, these things still go unchallenged. To give a simple example about this, yes I have to receive a single husband-wife related joke in Indian groups where a wife is not depicted as a money spender, totally dependent on the husband, non earning partner. By default, every joke or message has this image of the wife, occasionally there might be a message to praise sacrifice of women and laud their tolerance and dedication towards their partner, but this is again very stereotypes description of women.

I always wonder why people don't try to offer somewhat different perspective? Why even women don't take notice of such stereotyped depiction of their image? Maybe it is true that in developing countries like India there are still many wifes who are dependent on their husbands. It is not because they are any less capable of working outside their homes, but because their family structure or social and cultural settings doesn't allow them to accept any job. They are so consumed by household work, which is equally important and valuable that they can't do any other work. Traditionally, household work is valued as much as it should have been, and hence the image of stay home wifes is that they don't earn anything. This notion also results in the image of wifes as a creature who survives on husbands hard earned money without doing any hard work of their own, and all these jokes and sexist TV serials just reinforce this image on men and women's mind generations after generations.

This sexist behavior and attitude need to be questioned, I do it from my side. I get into trouble because of this, many times people get annoyed because of my net picking small small things. But the reality is, that these small things slowly build a sexist attitude in boys and girls which subsequently becomes part of cultural nuances of our society. These things then create rigid barriers, glass ceilings, gender stereotypes, and many other things which stereotype gender roles. The only way to remove sexism is to point it out and make people aware of it. If even after that they want to continue with those jokes and that attitude it's their choice, but at least make them aware that they are being sexist. This is one basic thing we all can do to curb the prevalent sexism around us and our own family or freind circle or social group is a good place to start this.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.