The journey of Reena - from a shy village girl to an independent woman

Reena and I got married 18 years back and ours was an arranged marriage, full of all the uncertainties and concerns that any arranged marriage brings along with it. The journey was not an easy ride, we had our ups and downs and went through our own struggles to understand each other and adjust to each other. I learned a lot from her and I am sure she feels the same. I lived most of my life in a patriarchal society in India, where the status of women was not equal to men. I must also mention that in the USA situation is much better, but still, a lot of work is needed even in the USA so one can imagine the situation in India. I was raised in an environment of male superiority, but fortunately, it had the opposite effect on me. Patriarchy and rampant misogyny around me made me a feminist. I realized the importance of making a woman an equal partner in any relationship. I realized that in the modern world women are an equal stakeholder and they need to to treated like that.

Reena lived in a small village in Uttar Pradesh until her sixth grade and then she moved to Varanasi. Varanasi is one of the biggest cities of UP, but the situation of women is not that different compared to other parts of UP. Definitely, it is better than many villages, but the difference is not that much. So, when we got married, my first task was to make my wife independent of me. She came from a culture where the husband had the status of a demigod - the provider for her needs, the protector of her honor and dignity, and the controller of her life and destiny. I needed to break all these myths. This was not an easy task for me as well as for her. It was confusing for her and very complicated for me. There was no easy way for both of us to maneuver through the maze of cultural mess that arranged marriage and patriarchal culture brought into our lives. When I told her that she is an equal partner in our relationship, which means she has equal rights and has to share an equal responsibility. The second part was more confusing and complicated for her (about the responsibilities). I stressed both, rights and responsibilities because rights without responsibility is a useless endeavor. But I must say that she responded with a lot of courage and perseverance. She took on this challenge head-on after initial hesitation. Initially, she thought her responsibilities were limited to traditional household work which women were expected to perform, this was the way she was raised. But when she realized that her scope of duty involved many tasks that she never thought were women's jobs, she was a little hesitant. There was a struggle, and I witnessed that struggle. I refused to help on many occasions, but that was necessary for her to realize her own potential. She overcame many obstacles on her own, with no or very little help from anyone around her. I was just her companion, once she decided to take on this challenge, she did things on her own, and she deserves the credit for all her successes.

When we moved to the USA, it opened many more new doors for her. She was free from all the social and familial constraints that were present in India. This made her embark on an exciting and rewarding journey. Today, I live with a totally transformed person, she is a much more confident and independent person. We both support each other, and our relationship is more balanced now compared to what it was at the time of our marriage. She is a very confident person and an independent woman who doesn't need her husband's support for her survival, and I am glad to see that she can manage her life on her own. She is a pillar of strength and support for me along with the rest of my family and friends. We both complement each other as husband and wife rather than having a typical husband-dominated marital relationship. It is not easy to write about your partner or parents or for that matter any person in just one blog post, but I want my readers to get the idea that it doesn't matter who we are or from where we come, if we decide and get enough support we all can achieve many things which may look impossible.

Reena's journey so far is not only a success story in its own way but also a source of inspiration for me. She still has many more challenges and many more obstacles to cross, but now she can do these things on her own. There are many successful people around us, but we fail to notice them. Normally we only recognize success or failure based on media reports and very often ignore many inspiring stories of people around us. Many times, no one bothers to tell stories of common people like us. Many times, we fail to notice some inspirational struggle or success story happening right in front of our eyes. We ignore that just because these people don't become celebrities or they don't end up making millions of dollars. I am fortunate to notice and appreciate many such success stories around me. My family members, friends, and colleagues faced many challenges and fought hard to overcome them. For me, all these struggles and triumphs are very inspiring. All these stories along with many others provide me the required self-confidence and optimistic outlook towards life. Reena's journey is one such story. We all have someone around us who is making progress day by day and if we learn to recognize that struggle and draw inspiration from their struggle, life will be beautiful. My life is more beautiful because of Reena and I hope she feels the same.

Thanks for reading.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

The real meaning of American citizenship

Citizenship of any country can be obtained either by birth or by being a resident of that country for a certain period mentioned in its citizenship act. This policy is an important aspect of many immigrant-friendly countries like the USA, where many immigrants choose to become citizens, mainly to avail of benefits that these countries offer to their citizens. For me, citizenship has a much deeper meaning apart from just a legal status, especially when someone chooses to abandon one citizenship and accept another. Citizenship by birth is a right, but citizenship by naturalization is somewhat different. To choose to become a citizen of any country is a conscious decision. It should be done after a lot of deliberation and serious thinking. Because citizenship is not only a privilege or right offered by the constitution of that country but also a big responsibility. Any person gets attached to his or her place of birth emotionally for various reasons, that place always remains special to him/her. But, if someone acquires citizenship by naturalization, he or she has to develop a similar love, concern, and sense of belonging to that new country. If this doesn't happen then the benefit is one way, like it happens in an extremely selfish relationship, where one side gets all the perks without giving any commitment or loyalty in return.

According to me, the USA is one of the best places to live, it offers the best set of civil rights in the world among countries. American citizenship comes with many benefits, but at the same time, it also comes with some duties. One of the major duties is to give up loyalty to your previous country of citizenship and be loyal to the USA. I have seen that some naturalized citizens fail to understand the importance of this duty. They feel that being a US citizen means having the right to avail of all the benefits, but loyalty to the US is an optional requirement. This loyalty does not only mean supporting the country when it's under attack by outsiders but also being loyal to its constitution, and its values. Being American doesn't mean only possessing an American passport but also understanding and promulgating American values and culture. If more and more people fail to understand these things then I feel the gap between various sections of this society will keep on increasing and this is not a good sign for the health of this great country.

The USA is an extremely tolerant country. It has accommodated various cultures and values gracefully. When I say one needs to respect American values I don't mean a certain set of rigid rules, I mean the spirit of respecting individual liberty and the right to choose. These two are the most prominent features of American society which helped this country to achieve the status of superpower. The real meaning of being an American is not just to hold an American passport but to understand American values. Understand the reason behind the phenomenal success of this country, which it managed to achieve in such a short span of time. Each and every citizen must continue to work towards making this country better than before. Being a citizen doesn't at all mean surrendering all your previous values or beliefs, this country gives a right of freedom of expression to every resident. Constructive criticism, political activism, opposition to the government and its policies, demonstrations, and protests all are part of efforts to achieve this progress. The sense of duty to protect American values is important and I hope all current and future citizens as well as residents of America realize this. This country is unique and one of the best places to live on earth and let's keep it that way. The real meaning of being an American citizen is not only to be eligible to enjoy the benefits but also to perform all the duties expected of its citizens.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing.]

Is it possible to be politically independent in today's world?

The current political environment in most countries is very polarized. I can speak about the USA and India as I follow political scenarios in these two countries more than any other country in the world. Both these countries are democracies, but the current political atmosphere is so charged and polarized it is almost impossible to remain independent and try to have a balanced and rational political discussion with any political party supporter. Most supporters of any party or leader are so passionate and blindly in love with their leader that they are not willing to hear anything even remotely against their leader. These people are very eager to brand their opponents anti-nationals, communal, secular (the term secular used in a derogatory way), racist, Islamophobic, misogynist, or by any other tag they can think of.  Because of these two things have happened, political discussions have become either like fist fights, where two parties fight against each other blow by blow without having any fruitful exchange of thoughts or it has become almost devotee like the singing of praise of their demigod leader, where every good thing happening around is attributed to some action taken by that leader.

Politically independent people, who can throw light on both sides of the issue, or can debate over the good and bad aspects of the same policy, political party, or leader have disappeared from these discussions. I understand why they don't want to participate in any such political arguments. But, these debates are so predictable and boring because of an absence of any sane voice among all political devotees. Such devotees are required, and all political leaders and parties survive and thrive due to the presence of such devoted supporters. However, the presence of such supporters only makes that party gain or lose elections, it doesn't help in moving political discourse any forward. In such a politically charged atmosphere, very often there is a possibility of political deadlock, where both sides try to block even good policies from each other just to display their political muscle power. The interest of the country or its people takes a back seat and that leader's ego or interest of that party's core voters becomes the most prominent factor. These things used to happen in the past also, but now it is happening even after an increase in the education level of people and an increase in accessibility of information due to the rapid spread of the internet.

I am a politically independent person. I don't support a single political party or a leader. In an election, of course, I have to choose one from the list, and I make my decision based on the important issues of that time and solutions presented by different parties, but at the same time, I know the weaknesses and drawbacks of my choice. I am willing to accept that the party for which I voted might have some terrible policies about certain economic and social issues, but in an election, you can vote only for one party, and not voting is not an option for me. If the party I voted for wins the election, then I should be ready to oppose any policy they try to implement that is either not on their agenda or is obviously harmful to a certain section of society. I am not obliged to support whatever they do, just because I voted for him. This is how I deal with politics. I don't think political parties would like to have voters like me, but this is how I protect my political independence. I am not bound by their core ideologies or their leader's demigod-like status. Current politics has become so personality-centric that it has become like a war between two cults.

Whenever I discuss politics in any group, I can see the desperation of people to defend their choices at any cost and their frustration when someone exposes weaknesses of their side or starts asking some uncomfortable questions. I am a republican sympathizer in a democrat group and vice versa. I play a similar role in India among BJP or Congress supporters. Politics is supposed to be there for the benefit of people. It is supposed to create healthy debates and discussions where something better for the nation comes out from such debates. It was not supposed to create a war-like situation within a country or a deadlock where the nation is stuck in policy paralysis, where nothing moves forward except vicious verbal attacks on each other. None of these things are healthy for any nation. Political differences and strong opposition should exist and no government should get an absolute right to do whatever they want. Every democratic country needs to have some checks and balances to curtail absolute power. The presence of a single ideology is dangerous no matter how good or rational that ideology sounds. I hope people understand the value and importance of dissent. I hope they understand that expressing dissent against the government doesn't mean that they are against the country. If a country needs to progress all of its people need to contribute, and political opponents need to have space for ideological or policy-based differences. Political opponents should not behave like enemies of each other and their existence should not be mutually exclusive. Politics needs healthy and efficient dialogue between different stakeholders. It doesn't benefit from monotonous, and vitriolic monologs.

I cherish my political independence and I am really proud of it. It is becoming a very rare trait day by day. I hope people understand the importance of constructive criticism and healthy dialog, until that this drama will continue and people like me won't find any difference between some news channels and channels that telecast dramatic soap operas. Protect your political independence if you can, and even if you become a supporter of some political party become a sensible supporter, not a blind devotee. Politics is not a place to be a devotee, for this religion is enough. 

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing.]

My fear of needles and my blood donation experience

I am not that comfortable with needles. I dislike the feeling of getting a flu shot or whenever they draw blood for testing. I am sure many people don't like to get poked by a needle, especially during a medical exam. Some don't like it because of some past bad experiences, some due to pain, and some are just not comfortable with that feeling of being poked with the needle. For me, it's not about the pain, because it doesn't hurt that much, many other injuries hurt way more than the pain that I feel because of needles, and normally the encounter with the needles is just a matter of a few seconds. I am also not scared of needles in general as I use them in the lab almost every day to transfer or add a variety of reagents to my chemical reactions. I just don't like that feeling, but it won't be wrong to say that I fear needles, this is why going for a blood donation was a big challenge for me. I donated blood for the first time in India when I was in college. I don't recollect that I was worried or scared of needles at that time, maybe the presence of friends, a very young age, or some other emotion took care of this fear. Since I came to the USA, I wanted to donate blood but didn't get a chance to because the Red Cross doesn't accept blood at least for one year if you visit any country like India. For the last few years, I have visited India almost every year, so I was not qualified to donate blood.

This year I was qualified as I didn't visit India. I went for the blood donation and passed all their initial screening tests. Then the time came to go for actual donation. I was worried it was not going to be very easy for me to tolerate a needle in my arm for so long time. The needle was going to stay in my vein for at least 20-30 minutes if not more, and it was not a very comforting thought for me. The lab technician found the vein from which she wanted to draw the blood easily, but when she inserted the needle somehow she missed it and then she tried to search for it by moving the needle. It was a really uncomfortable feeling, it lasted for 1-2 minutes, but that process was the worst part of the entire blood donation. Eventually, they did find the vein and I could donate the blood successfully.

The nurse turned out to be a Trump supporter, she voted for Mr. Trump and initially, she was hesitant to talk more about that. But when I told her that it was her right to choose the candidate, which she thought was suitable for the job and she should not be hesitant to talk about it just because she is living in a Democratic state. We discussed quite a bit about the election and I told her my point of view about this presidential election. I clearly told her that I also liked some of Mr. Trump's proposed policy measures, and from the beginning, I thought that he was a dark horse in the presidential race. I even wrote a blog post about him a few months back. But for me that so-called 'locker room' conversation was a deal breaker. She agreed with me that it was bad, but said that Hillary is also not that clean, she had her own mistakes which made her an equally bad person. She also said that all these people have some skeletons in their closets. It was a fair counterargument, and she did say ultimately that she was okay with women being President, but she was not okay with Hillary. Actually, many people have used this argument to justify their choice after this election even though I fail to understand the real rationale behind it, but it is their right to choose the candidate they like. This conversation was very helpful to me as it diverted my attention away from the pain of that inserted needle in my hand. We ended our conversation on a very positive note and I told her that I am looking forward to the presidency of her candidate. I hope that Mr. Trump will honestly try to implement his policies for the benefit of the citizens of this country. She gave me a thumbs up for this as well as for successfully completing my blood donation.

I felt a big sense of achievement after finishing the process of blood donation, that feeling was not just because I donated the blood, I know that many people donate regularly, but because I overcame my fear of needles and survived those 30-40 minutes without having a panic attack that too when no one who I know personally was around me. I did this by my own choice. I was not compelled to do this for any other reason other than my own desire to do it. The feeling of not allowing my personal fear or phobia to control my desire to do something good was great, and I think we all are capable of overcoming such fears or mental blocks. We all or most of us have some sort of fear or mental block, that forbids us from doing many things which we all can do for the benefit of society or people around us. If we try to take one small step at a time to overcome those fears, we all can conquer them. I understand that it is not going to be easy, but it is not impossible. 

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing.]

My parent's and I

Our parents (or guardians or caretakers if not biological parents) are the first individuals who cast some influence on our lives. Our first social and intellectual interaction starts with them. They teach us how to walk, talk, eat, and many other relevant physical and social skills. Parents normally have a significant influence on their child's life and they can shape the thinking of the child. I think this is the reason why we see the continuation of the same religious and political beliefs running through generations in the same family. Like everyone's parents, my parents are special to me and their influence on my life is significant. First of all, I am thankful to them for bringing me into this world. I know that my birth was not any divine incident. It was just a biological phenomenon like every other birth of that time, born out of physical attraction between a male and a female, one similar interaction resulted in my birth.  

My parents migrated from Uttar Pradesh to Maharashtra a few years before my birth. My father came to Pune (a city in the state of Maharastra) to work in a factory. It was a new place, a new culture, and a completely new language. It was especially difficult for my mom to adjust to these new surroundings as she came from a very protected environment to this new world where she had to take care of her family, learn a new language, and adjust to totally unfamiliar surroundings. There was a social and economic struggle, but they managed to tackle all these problems. As far as I remember I always saw my dad working very hard. I never saw this man resting or relaxing, even today he never feels comfortable sitting at home. Now his body can't cope with his enthusiasm to work, but still, he goes out and contributes as much as he can. He worked as a machine operator in a gas cylinder valve manufacturing company (Vanaz). When his company gave him an option, he took a voluntary retirement in 1989 and started his own business. I was in high school when he took this bold step, with three kids to feed, this guy took this brave step to invest all his retirement money into a dairy and sweet shop business. He established this business from scratch. He used to do all the work, he was the owner as well as the helper in the shop kitchen, whatever work was required he did it without any complaint. We never even had a two-wheeler at that time, he used to go on a bicycle to bring milk every day and also to market to procure other stuff. I know the reason why he suffers from knee pain, he pushed his body beyond its physical limits for many years. When I look back to those days, I can't stop myself from being impressed by the amount of hard work my father did to support our family. This all would not have been possible without the support of my mother, they both really worked hard, and seldom had any time to enjoy. We never used to have any spare money to go to a restaurant or watch a movie. The only movie we watched as a family was Sunny Deol's debutant movie "Betab," this movie has a special place in my heart just because of this reason. Going to our native place during summer vacation used to be our only picnic. They both dedicated their lives to establishing their family in a new place. They worked really hard and established their business, built their own house in Pune, and paid for the education of their three kids.

They both taught me the value of hard work. Our many problems were related to money, and this made me realize the importance of money very early in my life. I am thankful to my parents for countless things, but, I am most thankful to them for not insisting their beliefs and values on me. They never forced me to follow their religious or political beliefs, this allowed me to develop my own independent views about these things. I am really grateful to them for this. I am their son, but I am very different than them in all these aspects and I thank them for making this possible. I can see the amount of influence parents try to put on their kids as far as their religious, social, and political beliefs are concerned. Fortunately, my parents never did that. They taught me all the necessary values like respecting people around you, working hard, being honest and sincere, the importance of education, and many other things. Apart from education and some social etiquette, nothing else was forced. We were not allowed to play cards as gambling was very rampant in our neighborhood. My dad never had a drink in front of us, even though many of his friends used to drink regularly in their homes and even tell their kids to fetch the bottle from the neighborhood wine shop. They were really strict about some of these things and I really applaud them for this. These rules protected us from the bad influences of our neighborhood. I don't know the exact number of kids going to school with me at that time (must be around thirty), but only three or four successfully graduated from college, and two of them were from our family. These numbers say a lot about their efforts.

They both couldn't go to college, but they made sure that each of their kid got a chance to enter college. My education and freedom to think are the two biggest gifts to me from them. Their support was very pivotal during my education. Their decision not to allow their kids to enter the workforce to support their family was very important, this allowed me to complete my college and then my Ph.D. Many of my friends started working at a very young age and couldn't finish their college. My education changed my life completely. It allowed me to question many things which I would never have done without the power of knowledge. Their reaction to many of my objections and protests is also admirable. I never expected that they would take my objections so sportingly. Not only did they listen to my outrageous (according to them) views patiently, but even changed their views on certain topics after having a lengthy chat with me on those matters. It is not that we don't argue, we do it a lot. My concept of respect is not absolute obedience, no matter who the person is. I challenge their actions wherever I feel I have to and we argue, sometimes we agree and many times we don't, and this is what life is. Our disagreements so far haven't put any cracks in our bond, it is as strong as ever. Our journey so far is really enjoyable, with some ups and downs for sure, but I do share a special bond with them and over the years that bond has become only stronger. Actually, one post is not enough to say everything about our parents, but I wanted to share something about them with my readers. We all love and respect our parents, but rarely share our feelings with them. I think it is better to express our feelings, I learned this after coming to the US, in India rarely people express their feelings to each other in some relationships, especially son-father or daughter-father relationships. It is a personal choice, but I feel it is better to express them and have a very friendly relationship with our parents, it is a very rewarding experience.

Thank you मम्मि (mom), thank you पप्पा (dad) for everything, love you.

Thanks for reading.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Burqa and mini skirt - Symbols of liberation or oppression?

Symbolism is of great importance for any civilization. Various symbols can convey messages about our culture, habits, traditions, and values. The clothes we wear are one such symbol. A society where people are free to wear whatever they want based on their own needs and tastes can claim to be a free and tolerant place. Societies, where the dress code is strictly implemented against the wish of people, and they are forced to wear a certain type of clothing cannot claim to be a free society. Our clothing is a type of self-expression. Many of us try to express ourselves using the way we dress, actually, this is one of the reasons why we wear different dresses for different occasions. I am not a supporter of a dress code. Note that school uniforms are a different ball game, it has a special educational purpose. I like to wear clothes in which I feel comfortable. I hate the idea of being forced to wear a certain type of clothing against my wish. Social pressure or peer pressure can be considered as the other two important factors that force people to follow certain clothing habits.

Many times Burqua (or a veil) is propagated as a sign of oppression of women. It is true that forcing women or for that matter anyone to wear a certain type of clothing against their wish is wrong. However, what if they are doing it out of their own choice? Can then we call it a freedom to choose or do we need to look deeper? I think it is not that straightforward. We must ask, under what circumstances that choice is offered? Is there any indirect pressure to dress or appear in a certain way to satisfy social norms? Is there peer pressure or fear of serious social and professional repercussions if they don't dress in a certain way? These questions might help us to understand the situation in a better way, rather than concluding anything only based on the dress. I have seen women wearing dark burqas on extremely hot summer days and mini skirts and high heels on extremely cold days. In both conditions, the clothing totally defied the needs dictated by the weather conditions. I always wondered which one of them can be considered that she was free to choose her dress? Maybe none of them. Just because someone is wearing a burqa doesn't mean that person is living in an oppressed culture and just because someone is wearing a mini skirt doesn't mean they are living in a free society. Real freedom means people make informed choices. They choose what they want based on their own needs and requirements, not based on what society expects from them. One lady mentioned to me that it is not easy to be a woman even in developed countries as there are very high expectations about the way they should look and dress. She told me that most people think that women should not have any body hair except on the head, eyelids, and eyelashes. I was shocked to know about these expectations. It is very natural to have body hair, it is a natural part of being a living organism, but to force someone to get rid of it just because of some ridiculous beauty standard is ridiculous, but it seems there is such an unreasonable expectation and most women have to do this. If they don't then the social and professional penalties are severe. 

Women need to fight this stereotype on their own, this is one way of subjugating them by putting the burden of unreasonable expectations about their external appearance. Forcing a burqa is as bad as forcing a miniskirt, there is no difference. Wearing a bikini or jeans doesn't make you a forward or liberal, at the same time wearing a burqa doesn't make you a backward or oppressed. A person's character should not be decided by the type of clothes they wear. Our clothes should be one of the ways to express ourselves, they should reflect our choices and should be based on our own decisions and needs. Our dress is the true reflection of our personality only when it is our choice, based on free will. A burqa or miniskirt can be a symbol of oppression or freedom depending on under what circumstances people wear it.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing.]

Woman president - no thanks

Like many, the result of the US presidential election was surprising for me. It was not shocking as the contest was very tight, but the result definitely surprised me. Politically, I consider myself an independent. I don't subscribe to any political ideology as I find some good, bad, and terrible policies from both political parties. I support some of Mr. Trump's policies, but that "locker room talk" was too much for me to take. He literally sounded like a sexual predator in that video, it was horrifying to watch a presidential nominee talking like that. Whether it was locker room talk or not, it displayed a demeaning attitude towards women. Now, I know the difference between dirty talk and sexual assault. The released conversation was not just dirty talk; he could do as much dirty talk as he wanted, but this sounded like a confession of a sexual assault, and there is a huge difference between these two things. 

The two choices presented by both parties were not perfect. Hillary's CV was much stronger for that job, but just having a strong CV doesn't guarantee you any job, the interview panel should like you and then only the job is guaranteed. Hillary failed to impress the interview panel, the voters. There can be several reasons for election defeat, but this election was special. The question is, how much her gender played a role in her defeat? According to some polls and opinions, Americans don't mind having a woman president, but so far this amazing country where women are so talented, qualified, and hard-working, couldn't find a single qualified woman fit for that job. The path to the White House for women is so hard that this was the first time a woman made it through primaries to get a major political party's nomination. It took more than 200 years to find a black person to lead the country, and no one knows how many years it might take to find a qualified woman to lead this country. 

So, why do I think that Hillary's gender played a role in this election? Was she judged with stricter standards just because she was a woman? To understand this, I want readers to imagine a hypothetical scenario by switching the gender of candidates. Imagine Hillary as a successful business person with undisclosed tax returns and an extremely lavish and flamboyant lifestyle. Imagine the release of her "locker room talk" video, where she is bragging about her attempts to sexually harass men and how she loves kissing young men, grabbing their crotch and she can do whatever she wants because she is rich, powerful, and famous. Do you think she would have had any chance to win an election or even get a nomination? If your answer is "no chance," then you know what I mean when I say that her gender played a major role in her defeat. Yes, emails mattered, the FBI director's sudden statement mattered, her image mattered, Bill Clinton mattered, her time in the government mattered, but her gender played a BIG role. This is what disappointed me. I was not sad that a Democrat lost or a Republican won, I hardly cared about their party affiliation. I was not sad that Hillary lost, as I am not her fan, I was sad that ultimately once again gender bias won.

To explain why this loss was more bothersome, let me give an example of India's parliament election of 2014. Here also Mr. Modi, with a questionable attitude towards his own wife won the election with an impressive majority, but his victory was not unexpected as his opponents were really weak. He at least looked like the most competent person among all who were competing for that job. His total disregard towards his wife was not even an issue. No one bothered to think that if a prime minister could treat his wife like this, then what about other citizens? He didn't even bother to give her a divorce, just ignored her as if she didn't exist. It showed society's total disregard for women's rights, but I hardly expected that Indian voters would even think about this issue, and as expected they didn't. So, it was not an unexpected result, but I didn't expect something similar to happen here in the USA. I know that resentment against immigrants or minorities is a very strong feeling and I wrote a post regarding this issue just a few days before the election. In that post I mentioned that the use of resentment against immigrants can result in huge political dividends, it happened in India so there was no reason why it couldn't happen in the US. It seems Hillary could have lost the election to any other Republican candidate as Mr. Trump won even after the release of that video. This is surprising to me and it puts a question mark in my mind about society's attitude towards women, and I hope I am wrong about this.

Women played a significant role in Mr. Trump's victory. It seems the majority of white women voted for him. Obviously, race was not a factor as both candidates were from the same race. So, most probably, gender might have been the determining factor. The effect of patriarchy is so strong that even women think that men are most suitable for any leadership position. This thinking is inculcated since childhood and each tradition or custom is designed to validate this thinking. It becomes so embedded in our minds that we don't even realize that most of us become proponents of patriarchy. The glass ceiling about which many women leaders talk is not just created by men or patriarchy, but women are equal contributors to make sure that ceiling remains intact. Such incidents have happened many times before and may happen in the future. But that doesn't mean women should stop trying. Indeed, it's not easy to break that glass ceiling, but definitely, efforts of all these years made it crack a little, and now it is up to us to break it. It is not going to be easy, but it is possible, let's give one last punch to break this glass ceiling.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing.]

Resentment against immigrants - Why?

I have lived my life as a part of an immigrant family in India and I am an immigrant in the USA. I have experienced a build-up of resentment against immigrants, but so far I never suffered any harm because of it. This problem is very real and I want to share my perspective on it. My family migrated from one state of India to another in search of better opportunities (from Uttar Pradesh to Maharashtra). In India, each state is like a different country, with its own language and culture. It is not that easy to adjust, especially, if the native language is totally alien to you. One can cook their own food or eat whatever is available, but it takes quite a bit of time and some effort to learn a new language and get to know a new culture. My parents went through this struggle and I witnessed that. The good part of this struggle was, that they never forced any of their kids to learn their own native language (Bhojpuri). I and my brothers learned to speak Marathi instead of Hindi or Bhojpuri. I give total credit for this to my parents. I don't know if they did it on purpose, but this is how it happened. We used to speak three languages simultaneously in our home, Bhojpuri, Hindi, and Marathi. Until recently my parents used to speak with us in Hindi or Bhojpuri and we used to answer in Marathi. It happens even now, but not that much, because now they are very comfortable with Marathi also. This arrangement worked very flawlessly, it was so smooth that we didn't even realize that we were using three languages simultaneously. The point here is, that they didn't stop us from learning the local culture, language, or customs. They allowed us to mingle with our surroundings, form friendships, and do whatever other kids from the neighborhood were doing. As a kid, I never felt that my family came to Maharashtra from some other state. Maharashtra is my home state and Marathi is my mother tongue. We grew up and became a proud Maharashtrians in a family that migrated from UP. This does not mean that we were totally disconnected from our native place, Uttar Pradesh. We can speak Bhojpuri quite well, love food from that region, and visit there whenever possible. I feel lucky that I belong to two states in India. Maharashtra now has a sizable population coming from northern states like UP and Bihar. As normally happens, some resentment got built against these people among native Maharashtrians, and some parties tried to encash these feelings. This feeling is so strong that some political parties and leaders owe their existence to it. Who supports political parties that spread hatred against migrants or immigrants and why? Why this feeling of resentment against fellow residents, which is almost like hatred becomes such a powerful political weapon? It is a powerful weapon that even in a developed country like the USA, this issue is one of the major issues of the presidential election and it is one of the major reasons for Mr. Trump's popularity.

Why do immigrants go through this phase in any society? Why doesn't it happen when they start immigrating, but only when they become a sizable minority group, and their presence can be seen and felt by the majority? I tried to get answers to these questions based on my own experience. Maharashtra and the USA are very cultured and civilized societies, these places are not alien to the presence of immigrants or migrants. Why a country like the US, which is known to be very friendly towards immigrants is facing this problem?

There is no doubt that the cultural clash is one of the reasons for this problem. When immigrants become a sizable minority, they start registering their presence on various platforms and this disturbs some native people. At the same time, current residents (including the original natives and immigrants who moved in before the current immigrants) start feeling that their culture is under attack or threat, as immigrants start asserting their own culture and traditions. The native population starts feeling that one day their own traditions will disappear. Now, no one cares or bothers to think whether these concerns are real or not, they don't bother to check their validity, but these fears start creating a feeling of resentment in some of the native population. This fear slowly builds up. A bad economy or poor employment rate fuels more insecurity among people and these feelings start showing their ugly effect in some stray incidents, where some immigrant gets attacked for no reason. Some political leaders take advantage of this fear and make it a hot political issue. This is what happened in Maharashtra and this is what is happening in the USA, and unfortunately, I am a witness to both.

Who is right and who is wrong? Who should be blamed for this situation? Are immigrants responsible for not adapting to their new place and appreciating the new culture and values which has given them so much? Are native people responsible for not being flexible enough and accommodating to include new values and cultural norms in their existing culture? I think the problem is from both sides. Remember, it takes two to tango. If you wanted to create another UP in Maharashtra then why did you migrate from UP? If you wanted to create another India in the USA, why not live in India itself. After all, the original is always better than the duplicate, right? What's the point in creating another Mexico in the USA? On the other hand, why not welcome and adapt some great values from all these cultures into the US culture and make it more diverse? Why can't we respect each other without threatening the existence of each other?

All people who think that this resentment against immigrants is unreal or is a totally misplaced feeling, are themselves living in a denial mode. A presidential candidate like Mr. Trump or a leader like Mr. Thackerey doesn't get support for no reason. People may feel that these leaders are not qualified to hold any public office, but they should not make the mistake of ignoring them or the issues they use for their political gain. They all are not deplorable people, labeling such a big part of the population stupid won't help. If any mainstream politician don't address their concerns, they will choose someone who they think is best to handle their issues, and then we really can't complain, it will be too late. I don't think Mr. Trump is their solution for their problems, but he is their answer to the political class for ignoring their concerns, for ridiculing their fear. Now they see someone who can speak for them, he is far from perfect, but at least he is recognizing their problems, and this is enough for most of them. The current political class is trapped in too much political correctness, they prefer ignoring difficult issues. They prefer to wait and watch rather than tackle the problems head-on. The point is, that someone should listen to these concerns and try to find solutions, ignoring or ridiculing is not going to help.

I am not here to judge whether this feeling of resentment is justified or not, one can debate about it. Maybe they really feel threatened about their culture or employment. Maybe they are really concerned they will become a minority and their kids will face problems. Maybe all this fear is totally misplaced, but someone needs to discuss these things. These people should feel that their concerns are also being considered as mainstream problems. The country is not only facing problems related to guns, abortion, terrorism, and unemployment; but illegal immigration is a serious problem and should be discussed. If not, then someone will take advantage of this anger. Today it's Trump, tomorrow it may be someone else, and please don't make the mistake of thinking that elections can't be won or lost on such polarizing issues. I have seen it happening in India and it can very much happen in the US. Discussing such sensitive issues openly is good for both sides, especially political opponents of Mr. Trump. After all, everyone living here loves this country. It is already a great country and let's make sure that it remains one.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

The difficulty of being GOOD.

The Difficulty of Being Good is the title of a book by Gurcharan Das. It is a philosophical book that discusses various moral issues humans face with reference to the characters from Mahabharat. I read this book a few years back and found it very engaging. The topic of the difficulty of being good, came to my mind while chatting with one of my friends on the issue of gender discrimination which is present in every religion. I was trying to convey the point that, we all have our own biases and prejudices, many times we don't even realize that, but we all need to introspect and analyze our own thinking to get rid of these things, and it is a very difficult process. It is not that easy to be good at all times. We all speak passionately about the issues or problems that we care about. We all speak in favor of some political figure or celebrity who we love, and against some who we don't like. However, many of us change our stance instantly if we come across the views from the other side. We are normally not that welcoming of the criticism directed toward people we love and we are not that welcoming of the alternate views about the issues about which we care. I am not saying that we need to agree with all those things that opponents say, but many of us get mad to see that people can even think like that. One ideal example is when Hilary supporters can't understand how anyone can support Mr. Trump and Trump supporters can't tolerate the fact that people are supporting Mrs. Clinton.  This is one simple example to demonstrate the point that I am trying to make, the difficulty of understanding the other side's point of view.

By "good" I don't mean nice or not mean or tolerant. I am using this term for being impartial or reasonable or someone who can recognize the differences and still try to look for commonality. I mean someone who can agree to disagree, someone who can see and appreciate that every issue can have two sides and sometimes there is no right or wrong. Someone who can appreciate the ambiguity and uncertainty of life. Someone who can understand the point of view of an atheist as well as a theist. I understand that I am asking for an ideal behavior, but we don't want to give this title of "good person" for doing trivial things, right? There should be some challenges associated with reaching the point where we can call ourselves "a good person."

It is not that easy to be an unbiased person and criticize or praise everything objectively. It's not easy not to belong to any group. If we don't belong to any group, we don't get protection from any camp. When we don't belong to any herd where there are people who think like us and agree with us without any arguments and disagreements, this is not a very comfortable situation to be in. To avoid this discomfort and insecurity, we choose our sides, we either love or hate some political leader, or we get associated with a certain political party. We try to show that our religion or country is the best in the world and others are not that good. The drawbacks of our own religion are trivial, but other religions have terrible shortcomings. We expect others not to offend us, but we should be allowed to say whatever we want. When in a majority, we think that the minority should respect the majority's views and behave accordingly (a beef ban in India is an ideal example of this), but the same if group when in a minority, expects that their ideas and values should be protected and respected by the majority. I observed this last behavior among many Indians living in the USA. Many Indian Americans supported overwhelmingly Mr. Modi and his call for nationalism and majoritarianism during the last general elections of India but got very apprehensive about Mr. Trump when he said very similar things. These people feared that because of their minority status in the US, they might come under attack or suffer some angry reactions from the majority, but the same group was totally dismissive of similar fears expressed by the minorities of India. I am not trying to say that after Mr. Modi's victory in India minority is in a very perilous state or they are suffering at the hands of the majority, but his tone during the election campaign was not that different than Mr. Trump's tone, and I can see the different response by the same group of people, just because of their different strength in that society.

The desire to be good is very common and natural, but the willingness to make conscious efforts to become good is not that common. We all want to be good without making efforts to become good, and that is why it is very difficult to be good. It is tough, but we all can try to achieve it. I hope readers of this blog will try their best to be a "good person." We need more good people in this world, I don't think anyone will disagree with this statement. Let's first recognize the difficulty of being good and then try to overcome those very sincerely. I am trying my best, are you?

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

No means NO

Recently I watched a Hindi movie "Pink." It is a courtroom drama dealing with sexual assault and battery-related incidents. I liked the movie, it is very well made and all actors have performed brilliantly in their respective roles, but this post is not about the movie. It is about the importance of willful "consent" in any relationship. I watched this movie with my kids, they both are teenagers and will face a situation of dealing with their or their partner's willful consent in their relationship and I wanted to make sure that they get this message. When someone says "No," it means "NO." It doesn't mean yes or even maybe. It doesn't matter what that person said just a few minutes ago, it doesn't matter if that person was drinking or very friendly and seems to agree to your advances. NO means NO. There is no ambiguity and no confusion, there doesn't need to be any explanation or additional word, NO is a sentence in itself, it means NO, nothing more, nothing less.

Any relationship needs a very strong foundation, and to treat our partner equally can be the first crucial step towards building that strong foundation. I know it is not an easy task for many, our culture and patriarchal society never treated all genders on an equal basis. One can include any kind of discrimination to point out the inequality in our society, but here I am talking specifically about gender discrimination. Many cultures never gave women a chance to have control over their sexual behavior as they gave to their men. Rather every time some sexual misconduct happens, many societies try to find the fault in the victim's behavior. Many try to hint that the victim might have provoked poor boys (or men) and forced them to commit sexual assault. Now, before I move on, let me clarify that I know that men are also victims of sexual harassment, but data shows that still women are the main victims of this crime, that's why I am focussing only on women victims. This victim shaming is one of the reasons why many such incidents even don't get reported, as many victims fear social backlash or humiliation. It is still very common to comment on and judge the character of women based on their sexual behavior, the clothes they wear, or some of their social behavior (like smoking, drinking, etc.). We need to stop this, women need to claim their freedom to express themselves without any social prejudice. Women need to make it clear that it is their life and they are free to choose their path, same as men. They must demand equal rights, no more no less.

After watching the movie, during our discussion, I told my kids that they should understand one thing very clearly, whenever another person says "no" it means NO, and they should respect that under any situation. Always respect other's right to decide for themselves, it is a minimum courtesy we all can offer to each other and especially to our partners or friends. Please go and watch Pink if you like courtroom dramas, but even if you don't watch it, remember that NO means NO. No is a sentence in itself, it doesn't need any explanation or justification. Also, only humans can understand this denial, wild animals can't control their natural instincts, but we humans can and it is one of the major differences between our and wild animal's sexual behavior. So, if you claim to be a human, you should understand when someone says NO. Get this thing ingrained in your mind, NO means NO.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

My visit to Shri Swaminarayan Mandir in New Jersey

Visiting temples is not and was never a priority weekend activity for me, but that doesn't mean I don't visit temples. Most of my family is very religious and prefers to visit famous shrines and temples. I have visited many places out of curiosity or to enjoy the architecture and the general feel of the atmosphere. I really liked it when I visited the Ganga ghats of Varanasi, the temples in that city are also good. They can be maintained in a much better way and turned into very prominent tourist attractions of that city, but somehow state and local governments don't think like me. Even without much support and management many of these temples attract millions of visitors every year and help the economy of that place. A few days back I visited the Shri Swaminarayan temple in Robbinsville, NJ. My wife really wanted to visit this place as she heard a lot about it from some of her friends and also saw some spectacular pictures of the temple on social media. 

The temple is really beautiful, situated on very spacious land, with an ample amount of parking space. There is still a lot of construction going on, so I think they are still in the process of building more structures there as there is a lot of empty land around and I am sure temple authorities would like to use it all. People at the temple are very nice and polite, they allow photography everywhere except inside the central part of the main temple. If you are wearing shorts or sleeveless or something like that they will give you a cloth (something like a lungi and shawl) to cover your body. I was happy to see that this rule was not just for women, but for men also. I didn't understand the logic behind this rule, but at least it was not a gender-discriminatory rule. I wonder what will happen if someone enters the temple in shorts or a sleeveless top? This rule was not applied to kids, which made sense as parents would have struggled to explain to them why they had to wear lungi or shawl inside the temple. Inside the temple right in front of deities, there was an empty space for devotees and visitors to sit and pray. The area was divided into two sections, the front section belonged to men and the back section to females. My daughter was not happy to see the females being given a back seat, she was (and even I was) wondering, why didn't they divide the section into two halves which would have allowed each side to get a chance to sit in front of the deity. There was no prasad after aarti, I couldn't believe it, such a posh temple and no prasad after aarti? I love the taste of Prasad food offered at many temples, and most of them give it free after their pooja or aarti, but here it was different. It seems one has to buy Prasad from the temple cafeteria. I liked this business idea, after all, whether it's a temple, church, mosque, or any other religious place, they all are also business centers and have to generate income to maintain themselves. If you understand this simple basic thing, many of their policies make sense.

Our visit was short and sweet. We attended aarti and left for our next destination. My wife was really happy to visit the place and it made me very happy. The kids were also happy to see a beautiful structure and learned some mythological stories while we were at the temple. In general, it was quite an enjoyable trip.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Links:

1. http://www.baps.org/Global-Network/North-America/Robbinsville.aspx

India at Olympics - always waiting for some miracle

Since I started watching sports on TV I always loved to watch the Olympics. For me, it is a symbol of ultimate human struggle and triumph symbolized in the form of sports. We get to witness epic struggles and ultimate triumphs, old records are broken, and new records are set. Sometimes it is enthralling to watch and sometimes it is heartbreaking to witness an athlete missing a medal by a whisker. Today, I have the luxury of rooting for two countries in the Olympics (India and the USA), but I never watched the Olympics to support any one country. For me, it was fun to watch spectacular performances of athletes all over the world. Maybe, I developed this attitude as India rarely used to win any medals in the Olympics. There were some like Milkha Singh and P T Usha who came very close to winning a medal, winning an Olympic medal is an exception and not a norm for a country like India.

India started participating in the Olympics in 1900, and since 1920 they have sent their players regularly to the Olympic games. India's first Individual Gold medal came in 2008, by shooter Abhinav Bindra. The last Olympic Games (2012) was the most successful event so far when India won six medals, two silver, and four bronze. India has won a total of 28 medals in the Olympics so far (out of which nine are gold, eight for field hockey, and just one individual gold), not a spectacular achievement for one of the most populous countries in the world. Just for the sake of comparison, we can compare India with the most decorated Olympian in history, Michael Phelps of USA has also won 28 medals in just four Olympics, and 23 of them are gold medals! What can be the reason that such a big country can not match the achievement of an individual? Definitely, a large population or lack of resources and money cannot be the only factors responsible for this, because even countries more populated than India (China) or poorer than India (like Kenya, Ethiopia, or North Korea) also win medals at the Olympics consistently. It is also not true that Indians are not passionate about sports. India is considered a superpower in cricket. It is one of the most lucrative markets for this game and the Indian Premier League (IPL) is the most successful league for cricket all over the world. Is cricket responsible for killing all other sports? Many love to blame the dominance of cricket for pathetic infrastructure for all other sports, but then how come all other sports flourish in countries like the USA where basketball, baseball, and American football dominate so much? India even has a dedicated sports ministry to look after the country's sports activity, I don't think in the US there is even a position called the secretary of sports.

The major difference I found between both countries is that in the US kids start playing competitive sports at a very early age and there are professional private facilities available to them for almost any sport. Sports are a part of culture as well as school curriculum, and most kids are either directly or indirectly involved with some sports activity. For many sports earlier you start better it is. In India, many primary and middle schools don't even have their own playground, and playing is often considered as a waste of time. I remember that we used to get punished if my dad caught us playing cricket instead of studying, according to him studying was a much more essential activity than playing any game. I don't think my dad was an exception as many of my other friends also used to get a similar treatment.

During every Olympics, a question pops up how come a country of more than a billion people cannot produce even a few Olympic gold medalists? It is fiercely debated, cricket and government are blamed, but nothing more happens. If some athletes win any medals because of their own hard work and efforts they are hailed as heroes and saviors, they are showered with gifts and rewards from all over the country, and everything else is forgotten until the next Olympics. This has been going on for so many years, so regularly that this activity has become a regular drill for many Indians after every Olympics. Whether it is Sindhu or Sakshi or Abhinav or Sushil, they all won their medals, not because of infrastructure and sports culture, but despite that. They defied all odds against them and triumphed at the international level, but how long a country of more than a billion people can depend on the efforts few individuals to bring the ultimate recognition in sports? During every Olympics entire country expects some miracle to happen and at least one of their athlete wins some medals. If the USA can do it, China can do it, Brazil can do it, why not India? Something needs to change if India wants to compete with these countries in the Olympic medal count. Sports should become a regular activity, only then talent can be recognized at an early stage and be groomed to compete at the international level. Lots of perseverance, dedication, and hard work are required to achieve success at international level in any sport. Let's hope that the achievements of Sindhu and Sakshi act as a wake-up call and not as an opium dose which makes the entire country high and forget about ground realities. Let's celebrate their achievements with the intention of making it a regular event, not just a pleasant surprise.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Superstitions - Being possessed by deity

Being possessed by some deity, devi (goddess), evil, or God is one very common superstition. Once it was very rampant all over the world, many women got killed because people suspected them of being a witch. This belief is still present in some parts of rural India (as well as in some parts of cities also), Andhashradha Nirmoolan Samiti (ANS) defines this act as follows,

 "Being possessed by a ‘Deity’ ‘Devi or ‘Dev Angat Yene’ (in Marathi): During this condition, the individual completely transforms his or her expression and behavior (personality) to resemble some abnormal individual or a deity. The person is then supposed (pretends) to be possessed by a deity during that period he behaves in a convincing manner making appropriate actions and sounds to appear as if he is in a trance and pretends to know answers to all questions posed to him or her by gullible devotees."

As I mentioned before, it would be very wrong to assume that this superstition was only present in parts of India, but I personally witnessed it only in India that's why my views and opinions are exclusively based on these incidents. I used to see some women behaving in a very weird way on some days of the year. These days used to be some special days as per the Hindu calendar and it was believed that some goddesses used to possess these women, transforming them into some sort of proxy of those goddesses. Many people used to visit their homes with lots of queries and grievances. These people used to ask questions and this possessed woman used to provide answers. These questions covered a variety of topics, personal as well as social. Questions like: will my son get a particular job, when will my daughter get married, will there be enough rain this year to get a good crop, my daughter-in-law give birth to a baby boy or a girl. People used to ask anything and this possessed person used to give very brief answers. This question-answer process was very interesting and entertaining for me. I am sure no one bothered to check the accuracy of these answers, but they came every year to ask these questions. I have no idea how this superstition started, but I saw it in UP as well as Maharashtra (the two states where I lived in India).

My own grandmother also used to get possessed by some deity once a year. I mostly saw women being possessed by some deity, I am sure there were men also who suffered from this problem, but at least I didn't witness any such incident. As a kid, it was really scary for me in the beginning as these women, when possessed, really used to behave in a very strange manner, but slowly I realized that they were not going to harm me and I became more curious about these incidents. When I started doing some research about this I realized that this is a type of psychological problem. This problem can be cured with proper counseling and medical treatment, but hardly these people get any medical attention to manage this issue. The victims (like my grandma) and people around them all believed so much in the divine nature of this incident that they refused to accept that this was a medical issue. The victims used to get so much attention and importance that they also didn't feel that there was any problem with them and they should seek some medical advice to address it. After knowing all this I really started feeling very bad for all these people (including my grandma). I also realized that many people used to do these things knowingly or unknowingly to seek that extra attention and respect that they never used to get during their normal lives. I think this is why I saw mainly women suffering from this problem as their status in the family or in society hardly gave them any authority, but this phenomenon used to give them a chance to be a dictatorial authority at least for a day every year. I am glad to see that now these incidents have reduced significantly, there are still some isolated incidents but largely this practice is gone for good. I hope that if anyone finds someone in their family or friend circle suffering from this problem they seek proper medical help to address this issue as this is a curable condition. Superstitions should be challenged and eliminated not respected and preserved as a part of culture.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Links:
1. http://antisuperstition.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=145

Where are the true liberals?

I consider myself an ardent supporter of liberty. Liberty, which means freedom to choose, express myself the way I want, and live life the way I like are among the most important things that I value. I consider myself a liberal, not the "liberal" in a way people understand in political terms, but a true liberal. Actually, I find the terms "liberal" and "conservative" quite misleading as far as their political usage is considered, they don't make much sense to me. These labels are used as alternate names for major political parties without any meaningful association with the real meaning of those words. Recently I had the following conversation with one of my friends.
He asked me, "You must be a supporter of illegal immigration and socialism, do you want the US to open its borders?"
I said, "What makes you think that? Why will I support illegal immigration?"
He seemed to be surprised by my reply and asked back, "Aren't you a liberal?"
I replied, "I am a liberal, not a moron to support illegal things".
This is the level of conversation between so-called liberals and conservatives nowadays. It is really amazing to see what type of impression they both have about each other. I can't associate myself completely with any of these groups. I found some really good and some really bad ideas coming from both these groups. I choose to call myself a liberal because, I am open to all new ideas, nothing is sacred or unquestionable for me, I am willing to listen to all ideologies and for me, only the good ideas matter not their source, so, I am a liberal, open to all possibilities. Unfortunately, I don't see these characteristics in many of these so-called liberals, these people have made the term liberal so restrictive and narrow that it means you are a Democratic party supporter. It is no more a description of an emotion or a trait that liberates you from barriers and makes you a free thinker. That's why I ask where are the true liberals?

Being a true liberal is not easy, and that is why there are very few true liberals around. Most people like to associate themselves with a certain religion, political ideology, or cult, they love the comfort and warmth of that community as it gives them a sense of belonging and provides a safety net that they need. This feeling of belonging to some group is a very important part of our social behavior. Actually, we all belong to some group or other, some of these groups are very huge (like country, city, or religion) and some are small (like school, friend circle, our workplace, etc.). This feeling of belonging is not wrong or bad, but to accept everything propagated or taught by that group without questioning it is something I don't like, I just can't do it. A true liberal will never reject or accept an idea just because it is coming from a political group that he or she supports or doesn't support. They will never bother about the source, but treat every idea or thought based on its merit. It is not an easy thing to do as we have to first acknowledge and then eliminate as much as possible our prejudices and think objectively. 

True liberals will always be fair to others, especially to people whom they criticize. They will support the freedom of expression for everyone, not just for themselves, no matter whether they agree or disagree with that group or person. They will never get offended by anyone's remarks as they will know that freedom of expression comes with the freedom to offend. They don't discriminate or judge people based on their food, dress, sexual orientation, religion, race, color, age, gender or any other thing. They also know that any type of bigotry cannot be curbed by silencing bigots, but by allowing them to express their stupidity and countering it with rationality and logic. They will not support or demand a ban on any book, movie, or speech. Any type of discrimination will not be acceptable to them, they also acknowledge that rights come with responsibilities. They support equality, equity, and justice for all. They not only support equal rights but also equal responsibility and equal accountability. They also accept that their views can be rejected, challenged, or even ridiculed as these things are part of any public debate or argument. They question or challenge opinions or ideas, not individuals. They understand that the freedom to choose is the right of everyone. True liberals also support feminism as it is about equal rights and eliminating gender discrimination. I would love to see these so-called liberals try to do justice to the real meaning of this word, until then I think I have no choice but to continue my search for true liberals.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Immigration is not a human right, but a granted privilege

Immigration is becoming a very sensitive and controversial issue in many developed countries. It is a very important issue during this US presidential election. Many countries like the US, Australia, and many European countries are favorite destinations for many immigrants from Asian countries as well as from other parts of the world. Actually, many of these countries benefit from the presence of immigrants, many immigrants work really hard to become successful in whatever field they choose and in that process help the country in which they reside. But this is not a one-way process, in return immigrants also benefit immensely. They get better opportunities and fair treatment, and many of them escape the troublesome social and political environment of their birthplace to find a peaceful dwelling in their adopted country. This process works very well as long as it is beneficial for both the parties involved, it mainly happens when the economy is doing really well, there are enough job opportunities for everyone, and in general country is in very good shape. But, does this process of mutual benefit can go on endlessly without having any side effects? Based on the current scenario, it doesn't look like that.

I am an immigrant to the USA. Even in India, my family migrated from one part (Uttar Pradesh) to another (Maharastra). So, I have first-hand experience with the issues that migrants within the same country or immigrants who move to different countries face. There is no doubt that my family benefited immensely from the places where we lived. We got better opportunities, better education as well a better social and economic environment. In turn, I am sure places or cities where we lived also got benefitted from our presence as law-abiding, responsible, and hard-working residents. We learned local culture and language, adapted to our surroundings, and contributed to the diversity and rich cultural heritage of all places where we resided. This mutually beneficial and harmonic relationship is the main reason that I have so much culturally diverse thinking in my own family. Three generations of my family can claim to have three different languages as their primary language (often referred to as their mother tongue). Immigration is a beneficial activity for the immigrants as well as the country or city where people are immigrating. But, I feel appalled when I see this ugly fight over the issue of immigration. I don't understand how both sides can be so ignorant and adamant about their arguments?

Whether we like it or not, the truth is that in today's world immigration is a legal process, you have to follow a legal process to immigrate to any country. I agree that it is cumbersome, lengthy, often very frustrating, and expensive, but it is illegal to enter any country without any proper documentation. So, anyone who has respect for the law of that country should follow this process or be ready to face the consequences of their illegal actions. I also understand that many people immigrate due to various reasons, many times they don't follow these legal requirements, but even after all this it is an illegal act, and if there is no law that takes into account all these factors then all these people can be in big legal trouble. One thing should be very clear to everyone, to immigrants as well as to citizens of that country, immigration is not a human right but a privilege granted by the host country. For all who face some humanitarian crisis in their own country, asylum is an option. Immigration is a special privilege, not a favor, help, kind gesture, or charity. It is also the responsibility of the host country to keep their immigration and asylum policies clear and simple so that people who need can understand and follow the rules. Immigrants come with certain rights and responsibilities, they need to be law-abiding residents and contribute towards the betterment of that society otherwise this privilege can be taken away at any time. Once both sides understand this simple thing, then I don't think there can be any issue that cannot be resolved by mutual discussion. The law of the land needs to be respected, any act encouraging violation of the law can result in long-term social and political crises which can affect the entire country. I hope better sense prevails from both sides fighting over this issue and they come to some mutually acceptable solution because once you make any issue a political hot potato it is almost certain that it will never get resolved. Political parties can use it to emotionally polarize their vote banks election after election without making any sincere efforts to resolve it. People also get emotional about these types of issues and give that opportunity to politicians to make fools out of them.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

When life gets busy

There are times in everyone's life when a person gets extremely busy, there is no question of so-called work-life balance as your professional work completely takes over your daily routine and everything else gets a back seat. This is not a bad situation as such, but because of some perceptions, many people don't enjoy it. I personally have no problem if this happens once in a while as being busy is always better for me rather than having no work at all. Presently I am facing one such phase, things are so busy that I didn't find time to write a blog post, this never happened since I started writing this blog. But I can't complain, work is as important as anything else in my life so it gets the attention it requires and I try to do it to the best of my abilities. I see sometimes people complain about their work, and talk about the myth called work-life balance. This mainly happens if you consider your work as a not integral part of your life. According to me, our professional life (which we all call work) is an integral part of our life, so when we separate work and life that means we consider our work as something that is not part of our life or something which always affects our life adversely. Actually, our professional work is a very important part of our lives. For many, it becomes an integral part of our identity, so, we should not look at it as something separate from the rest of life. Ultimately, when things get busy we need to prioritize the stuff as time becomes more valuable, this is the best strategy to deal with this situation, complaining doesn't help much.

This post is going to be very brief as I have some other things to do. Writing a blog, playing cricket, reading, exercising, and spending time with friends and family are among many things that I enjoy. At the same time, I also enjoy my work. No matter what I try to find some time to do most of the things that I enjoy, this is why I am writing this post today. Nowadays I am having a great time with my colleagues in the lab, the same way I enjoyed playing cricket at East Rock Park. It is good to remain busy in life, but the choice has to be ours about in what ways we want to remain busy.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

If you don't love it, then please leave it

Actually, I never thought that I would ever write a blog post with a title like this. I am saying this because I am nobody to tell anyone to leave any place except my private property. No doubt that this line is a very catchy phrase and this is one of the reasons why I am using this as the title of this blog post. The intention behind using this title is not to hurt anyone's feelings, to warn anyone, or to threaten anyone, but just to express my feelings about some incidents that happened or happening around me both here in the US and in India. Especially in the US, I see some people (including many who are citizens of this country) constantly criticizing the USA, they also criticize the culture of this land and I always wonder why they have so many problems with this country and its people? I am specifically talking about the US as this is the only country apart from India, where I spent a significant part of my life. I am sure such things happen in many other places, but I can only talk about the US or India. Another reason to select the US for this topic is that it is a very immigrant-friendly country and many people come here willingly in search of better opportunities, so the situation here is totally different than the situation in India. I noticed that many people blindly criticize the culture of this land without even bothering to understand it, they just go by perceptions created by some biased reporting of media or some hearsay gossip or worse some imaginary misconceptions and base their ill-informed opinion about many things associated with this country. I can understand that people living outside the USA might have some wrong perceptions about it as they don't get the chance to interact with people here or get to experience what is it like to live life in the USA, but I am always amazed when people who get benefited by their presence in this country spew hatred about it. Here my intention is not to say that the USA is an ideal country, free from any drawbacks or problems. Like any other country of this world, it has its own strengths as well as weaknesses, it has its own social and political issues. This is not the perfect place and I don't think any such perfect place even exists anywhere in this world, but definitely this country is one of the best in the world.

I am a supporter of complete freedom of expression (except the threat of violence), so in that sense, everyone has the total right to say what they want about any person or country as long as they are not threatening to incite any violence. I also understand that criticism is necessary and should be encouraged, but there is a huge difference between criticism and hatred. I don't object to any criticism, rather I feel that it helps to improve things if taken positively, but when people spew venom blindly criticizing something without any rationale or logic I feel pity on them. Initially, I used to get angry or used to think if they are so unhappy with this place and so dislike it, then why can't they leave it, after all, the US is not forcing them to stay here. In today's world immigration is not as difficult as it was a few decades ago, one can easily get a visa or even permanent residency in many countries and emigrate there.  But many of these people stay here or even migrate here from many countries from all around the world for better living, they enjoy a far better and superior quality of life here and still hate this place, maybe this is the best explanation I can offer why I chose this title for this blog post. Today we all have many choices as far as the city we want to live in or the country we want to live in is concerned, many of us are even capable of going anywhere in the world and making a decent living. Wherever we go to make living in this world, there will be some advantages as well as some problems. We should be able to make use of those advantages for our own good and honestly try to fix whatever problems exist so that that place also benefits from our presence.

If anyone is so unhappy about any place that they can't tolerate its culture or people living there, then it is best for them as well as that place to get separated from each other. They should try to choose a different place which matches their way of thinking and whose culture they like, it is as simple as that. Criticize all you want, offer as many alternative solutions or ideas as you want, participate in any political debates and discussions, challenge whatever is wrong and try to make it right, and raise your voice against any injustice, any liberal and free society will encourage any such behavior and feedback, but please don't abuse any country while getting benefited by its kindness and resources. If you don't love it and are not interested in improving it, then leave it alone, please don't abuse it or hurt it. This is true for any relationship, including our relationship with a country or a person. 

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]