Tuesday, March 26, 2024

Our worry chambers

We all worry. It is a common emotion for humans. It is also true that as we age, we start worrying more, you will hardly see a kid worrying about what will happen tomorrow, but we can see many grownups, including teenagers who worry a lot about the future. Even though uncertainty is an inherent aspect of our lives and there is nothing much we can do about it, we worry. Worrying is so addictive that we also start worrying about why we worry so much. In reality, there is no escape from worrying after we cross a certain age threshold, we create our own worry chambers and go there more often than we should. 

The actual problem is not that we worry, worrying itself is not bad, it helps us to be cautious, and it makes us collect more information before making any decision, so, in a way it helps us to mitigate potential risks. The problem is when we can't stop worrying and it cripples us, we can't take any action because we are stuck in our worry chambers. "Stop worrying" is useless advice to offer and also to receive it from someone, everyone knows we should stop worrying, but we can't do it as it is ingrained in our thinking process. So, one thing is clear, worrying is here to stay with us as long as we have ability to think. One solution to this is to make worrying our strength and not our weakness. If you know that you can't get rid of worrying, learn to walk with your worries, and make them your advisor friend, a friend who will tell you about dangers and pitfalls. But don't allow that friend to dictate and control every step, allow it to walk with you, but not for you. Allow it to offer advice, but don't allow it to dictate your path. Allow it to walk behind you, not ahead of you. Allow it to take part in your inner conversations, but don't allow it to dominate those conversations. Allow it to be with you, but don't allow it to be you. This way, we can make good use of our worrying instinct, it can help us rather than cripple us. I know it is easier said than done, but it is worth a shot. We need to devise our own methods to deal with our worries, what works for me may not work for you, and vice versa. But one thing is clear, in the current era of junk information (same as junk food), we need to take care of worry chambers and make sure that we don't get stuck in them. We should use our worries to get the information and move on. Remember, thinking is only the first step, if we want to achieve our goals we also need to take action, worrying is part of the thinking process not part of our action, let our worries stand by our side while we move on by taking action and making things happen. All the very best.  

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

Wednesday, March 13, 2024

Galvanized and glossy unhappiness

If we glance at social media posts, we can't miss noticing that almost everyone is having a great time and is politically astute with very strong views and opinions about almost every topic. These are not bad things at all, everyone should be happy and be aware of what is happening around them socially and politically. However, if we look closely, this is not about happiness or awareness, this is all about sharing our curated lives and propagating our beliefs. Previously politicians and celebrities used to do this, now, almost everyone is doing it. I remember that people used to accuse politicians and celebrities of being double-faced, displaying something, but in reality, being something else, that is, being fake. Now, social media is one big mall where fake lives are on display and almost everyone is shopping or at least window shopping there. Even though people know it's fake and manipulated, people can't stop, the same way, they couldn't stop reading about the fabricated lives of film stars and politicians during the pre-social media era. Social media has been recognized as one of the addictions that people suffer from. Many people suffer from either a chronic desire to share their curated lifestyle or browsing glimpses of the curated lifestyles of others. Both these things create an undue pressure of sharing perpetual happiness, because this is what we see on social media, others are having a great time and are happy all the time, so, we want to display that we are doing the same. Also, not everyone is happy to watch others having a great time, many get stressed and become unhappy and dissatisfied about their own lives. The result of all this is most of the things posted on social media are well-curated. We see the galvanized and glossy lives of everyone. Everyone is either having a party or attending some party. I am not saying that there are no exceptions, of course, genuine and useful information is also shared on social media and many people benefit from such information. Many people use social media to spread social and political awareness and help others, but definitely, narcism through the display of wealth and self-centered posts is on the rise.

Not long ago, people used to watch glossy and curated accounts of the lives of celebrities in magazines and on TV programs. It was presented as if those people were having a great time with all their money and luxurious lifestyle, but once in a while some ugly or tragic details of their lives used to come out indicating that what looked so glossy and galvanized was apparently not that glossy and galvanized. People who are happy and having a great time look happy and make everyone around them happy, they share not only their happiness but also help others to become happy. But an over-the-top and exuberant display of perpetual happiness is many times used to hide underlying unhappiness. Actually, it is tragic that people are scared to share their vulnerabilities and struggles, they only want to display their shining side, this is what the legacy of those celebrity magazines has taught us and we are getting good at it. Social media is becoming a place to display our glossy lives and window-shop for ideas from others to improve our display. It is hard to be real, it is hard to accept mistakes, it is hard to share our struggles, it is hard to ask for help, and it is hard to stand for others. But isn't all this makes us human? All this makes us a family and cultivates a sense of community. What type of community it is where you can't share your true feelings? How and when did we forget all this? We are so busy showing others that we are happy, that we forget to pause and enjoy our happiness. The process and pressure of sharing our status on social media are consuming us completely. Let's take a pause and enjoy. Of course, share stories and pictures, but also show the real you in that along with all that glamor and glitter, otherwise, what's the difference between the reel life and real life. Finally, don't fall for the propaganda that we must be happy all the time. This is not possible, as the weather changes our situations and moods also change and that's what is life. Remember, social media is for you, you are not for social media.  

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Tuesday, March 5, 2024

12th Anniversary!

Wow! Today is the 12th anniversary of this blog. What an incredible journey this has been for me. I started this blog as a new adventure, as a platform to share my views and opinions for others to read and develop their own views and opinions. After more than 600 posts and more than 450,000 words, here we are, celebrating 12 years of our togetherness. I have received a lot of encouragement and feedback from my readers of all ages, starting from teenagers to senior citizens, and each of them taught me something valuable. Thank you for all this support and encouragement. I plan to continue this journey as long as I can. There were many ups and downs, struggles and triumphs, and I shared most of them on my blog. I plan to keep on sharing as people commented that my journey has helped them to deal with some problems with their life, I am glad to know this. We all have something unique to share, I agree that sharing our experiences requires courage. Exposing our vulnerability is not easy, but this is what leaders are supposed to do. Our vulnerability provides courage to deal with their vulnerabilities and succeed in whatever their aims are in their lives. Importantly, this allows us to spread love and kindness, two of the most important feelings our world needs desperately at this time. 

Happy 12th anniversary! Keep on sharing and spreading love and kindness.

Thank you for everything!

Friday, February 23, 2024

Human being and not human doing

Our actions and work are integral parts of our personality. At a very early stage of our lives, we realize that what we do gets us appreciation and recognition. Initially, it is our parents whose recognition and appreciation we crave for. As they applaud and praise each and every small progress as a child, this action and appreciation pattern is set in our minds. Whenever we do something good, we look around to make sure that people are watching so that our good acts don't go unnoticed. Slowly, we start imagining ourselves based on these appreciations and recognitions, we forget that we have existence without these things. Our every act is designed to generate some favorable response from our surroundings. Instead of a human being, we become a human doing, who is constantly doing something so that people around shower some appreciation and praise. In today's social media-infested world this insatiable craving for appreciation and recognition has put us in continuous action mode, we either want to broadcast ourselves or watch someone's broadcast. It seems we have forgotten that we don't need anyone's validation to be happy or to do any good work. We can do good and right things even when no one is watching, rather, when we do right things when no one is watching that's the real test of being human. 

I know that I am not the first one to highlight this. Our never-ending appetite for appreciation and recognition has been a topic of discussion for quite some time now, I am just trying to invite the attention of my blog readers to this topic. Good deeds or decent behavior with the sole intent of getting noticed or receiving appreciation are not good deeds, they are performances like actors deliver on stage or in movies. If you want to help someone, just go ahead and help, don't worry if someone is watching or recording it or not, and don't worry if someone says thank you or a good job or not, you are helping because you want to help, not because someone will praise you. If you want to write a blog, go ahead and write it, don't worry if someone reads it or not. If you want to express your thoughts and feelings, go ahead and express them in a civilized manner, don't worry if the next person reciprocates it or not. We must learn to do things for our own happiness and fulfillment, being kind to ourselves is as important and necessary as being kind to others. This is a simple thing, but most of us forget to practice it. We tend to be harsher on ourselves and our loved ones thinking that this harshness will force us to perform better, we blur the lines between being harsh and being motivational, and this damages many of our close relationships. Being successful matters, but what matters more is at what costs and by using which parameters. This post is not to provide any answers to these questions, but to kindle some thinking in this direction. Answers will be different from person to person, but without some introspection, we cannot find those answers. So, think about it.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

     

Friday, February 9, 2024

We are not born for the pleasure of others

We all seek validation. This is one thing we learn very early. Children feel happy and encouraged when people around them applaud and when their parents appreciate and reward them. When we get good grades, our parents seem to love us more and look happy. When we agree with people around us they tend to treat us nicely. However, when we question things, especially things related to culture, religion, or politics, people seem more hostile. When we fail or do something that is against the expectations of our parents or other family members they seem to be disappointed and unhappy even though we may be happy with our chosen path. All these things train us to seek validation from others. Slowly but steadily we get addicted to this continuous validation. We start designing our personality and behavior to please people around us in the expectation that if we please them we will be rewarded with praise and other accolades. In this process, we forget about our own self. It becomes impossible to differentiate what we want to do for our own happiness versus what we want to do to please others. The tragic result is that most of us don't know what we want and spend our entire lives for the pleasure of others thinking that their validation will make us happy. Instead of a human being, we become human doing, someone who is always doing something to get validation from others. 

We must remember that "we were not born for the pleasure of others." Most parents give birth to their kids for their own pleasure. It is not a kid's duty to thank their parents for their existence neither it is their duty to make their parents happy at all costs. Being nice and kind to others are wonderful qualities to have, everyone should aspire to have them. However, to design our behavior and personality only to please others takes us to a point where we don't realize who we are and what we want. The burden of expectations becomes so high that unknowingly we become the subject of fulfilling the desires of a few people around us. These people can be our parents, spouses and children, other family members, friends, or our bosses. Knowing about our own desires is not easy when we are bombarded with expectations from people around us from a very young age. It is not easy to have an independent thought process when we are continuously coached and brainwashed. Therefore, it is not easy to find self-acceptance when we grow up. Aggressive advertisements telling us how to be happy and what happiness means and looks like don't make this task any easier for us. When we can't stand on our own and don't have any individual identity we need validation from others to believe that our existence matters. Without that validity, we feel incomplete and insignificant. Knowingly and unknowingly we start working only for the pleasure of others, we dedicate our lives to doing things that may please others. We work really hard to collect things dictated by society but are scared to work hard towards our own dreams. We prefer to choose a guaranteed success path, dictated by society, no matter how hard or unpleasant that path is, just because people around us will approve and praise us for achieving those milestones. If this is all you want, then fine, go ahead. But if not, then show courage to follow an untraveled path and make sure to leave a trail for others so that when someone else needs to chart their own path they have an example to follow. Good luck. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Wednesday, January 31, 2024

History is always incomplete and biased

History is important. It is important to know about past mistakes and learn from them to avoid repeating them. However, history is rarely used for this purpose. Mostly, history is used to boast about the past, instill feelings of unreasonable pride, fuel perpetual hate among communities by using some tragic and unpleasant incidents from the past, or glorify certain characters to create a cult. There are several examples to demonstrate that we refuse to learn lessons from history and purposely repeat the same mistakes to inflict the same wounds. For example, communities who suffered genocide or societal hate don't hesitate to do the same to other communities when they get power; communities whose religious structure was demolished to build another religious structure don't hesitate to do the same when they get power in their hands. History as well as our present is full of examples like this. 

The reason why I am saying history is incomplete and biased is because not even a tiny fraction of what actually happened is recorded in written history. What we read is only recorded and preserved by winners and subsequent rulers. Also, what was recorded were the views and perspectives of people who could be interviewed, were willing to talk, and by people who had the privilege to speak and write. This all made history an important but very biased and incomplete account. Basing our present views and opinions only based on historical accounts completely ignoring the present situation is what makes us repeat that history again and again. The danger of seeking revenge for historical conflicts only results in creating more conflicts for future revenge, this cycle is endless unless one of the sides decides to take a higher moral stand and settle the issue amicably through peaceful negotiations. Most historical accounts don't say anything about the masses, they completely ignore nuances of human suffering and resilience.  

Does this mean we should not study history? No, we should study history. We must critically study history and interpret it with context. History without context is just a list of events and dates, nothing more. The context needs to be broad enough to make historical events relevant for everyone affected by those events in the past as well as the present. If we do this, even incomplete and biased historical accounts may help us to resolve complicated conflicts that have been going on for decades or centuries. Without such reasonable use of history, it will remain another tool that had the potential to benefit humanity but like nuclear power, we converted it into a deadly weapon and are only using as a deadly weapon against each other. We are not perfect, and neither is history, we can make use of imperfect history to make our present and future perfect. If not, we will be busy creating more imperfect and divisive history, the same way as our ancestors did. The choice is ours. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

Wednesday, January 17, 2024

Don't trade self-respect for respect from others

Validation from others is one of the basic requirements for humans. We don't live in groups that we call society for only physical safety, but also because it is emotionally not easy for humans to survive alone. Humans are social animals, and with social life comes interaction with others, with that interaction comes different types of personal and social exchanges. Humans crave validation and respect from others. If our views, behavior, and personality are respected by others, we feel validated and our thinking about self-worth improves. Very few of us can ignore this need to get validation from others, people go to great lengths to receive such validation. Social media has exacerbated this need. Now, people crave continuous validation, their life depends on the number of likes and views of whatever they post on social media. This need has become so desperate that people are willing to trade self-respect to fit in and get that craved validation from others. That is, they are willing to trade their self-respect in return for respect from others.

Social media has provided a free and easily accessible avenue to become a famous and likable personality for everyone with internet access. This accessibility has its own pros and cons. Easy internet access has given us access to a vast amount of information, at the same time, it has given people a platform to broadcast themselves 24/7. When everyone is broadcasting who will watch? So, there is intense competition to capture and retain the audience whose attention span is reducing day by day. People are willing to post whatever it takes to get the attention of the online audience. Remember, when the new channels became available 24/7, they lost their unique ability to deliver news without much sensationalization and became entertainment channels. The same thing is happening with all social media users. In the race to capture the likes and views of online audiences, people are becoming objects of entertainment broadcasting their curated lives rather than sharing genuine human emotions. Qualities like compassion, support, love, and kindness could also be shared online, but we hardly see discussion about these things. Feelings like hate and dislike get a disproportionate amount of attention, and the display of unreasonable wealth and comfort also gets more eyeballs. People try to fit in by fulfilling these demands. Therefore, if exuberance, display of wealth and comfort, hate, dislike, political polarization, and divisive agenda are in high demand, they try to cater to this demand. As people's lives are overburdened with the expectation of being popular and relevant all the time, many try to mold themselves to fit into the current popular trends. This is why you see an endless supply of content that people watch without any emotional involvement. Online surfing has become like any other addictive behavior, people do it compulsively even at the cost of personal detriment as they just can't stop it even if they want to. I feel that people need to take a pause and self-reflect. They need to evaluate what they are doing and why. They should start with why first, it is always good to ask why are we doing something and then move on to the rest of the questions. Our self-respect is one of the most valuable treasures we possess, please don't trade it for respect from others. Remember, if you don't respect yourself, others for sure won't. So, start by respecting yourself and then build your surroundings with people who do not want you to trade your self-respect to get respect from them. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Monday, January 1, 2024

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year to all my readers and well-wishers! We all added another year of valuable experiences to our lives. Our experiences and learnings from those experiences make us who we are and how we behave with others. Every new year brings a lot of hope and enthusiasm to us, it gives us an opportunity to restart if we are feeling stuck for some reason. Not everyone needs the occasion of a new year to restart, but for anyone who is looking for such an opportunity, a new year is a good occasion to consider such a restart. Celebrations and occasions to have some social time could help us with our mental hygiene. So, take this opportunity to pause and ponder. Readjust and restart if necessary. Most important, take care of yourself and spread compassion and love.

Once again, happy New Year.


Thursday, December 21, 2023

Signs of a closed mind

"This is who I am." "This is how it has always been done." "Because that's our culture." These are just a few statements we hear people around us saying or saying ourselves, either casually or purposely. We use these statements to demonstrate that our prior experiences dictate our current and future decisions. However, in reality, we are expressly admitting that who we have been in the past will control our future, and we are not open to any challenges to our beliefs and values. In short, we accept that we are prisoners of our past. This is not a sign of self-growth, but one of the signs of a closed mind. The general perception is that people who do not have access to information or knowledge suffer from closed minds. However, this perception has been proven wrong as even with access to unlimited information people are becoming more guarded about their beliefs. That is, they chose to close their minds rather than being open to contrary information. 

Why do people do this? Well, there can be multiple reasons, but one of the major reasons is, fear of change and comfort of the status quo. Change is uncomfortable, especially, when we have to change or update our beliefs, or modify our behavior. We do not like to accept that we are wrong, especially, when it comes to our personal, religious, or political beliefs. We feel these beliefs are part of our identity and are reluctant to change them. We try our best to resist change, no matter how factual or accurate the evidence is to prove us wrong. This is when we show the symptoms of a closed mind. We take shelter from whatever lame reasons we can find to justify our stance. However, no matter how much we try, it is not possible to run away from facts. Truth doesn't disappear just because we close our eyes. A closed mind might offer temporary comfort, but sooner or later we are bound to face reality and if we remain truthful to ourselves realize our mistake. 

What's the solution? Check regularly if you have any symptoms of a closed mind. If yes, consciously try to update your knowledge and make sure that your sources of information are diverse and verified. We have access to resources that were not available to humans at any point in history so far, it will be shameful if we don't make proper use of these resources. Be informed and be open-minded. All the very best. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

Friday, December 15, 2023

No one is watching

We all are told that someone is watching us all the time. I was told as a child that god is watching all the time, once that didn't work I was told that some ghost was watching, if that failed it changed to the police are watching, once the effect of this also waned, then some other scary thing was watching. I feel the intent behind making people believe that someone is always watching is to stop them from doing wrong things. Especially, if that someone has the power to control and punish you we are supposed to behave to get the approval of that entity by behaving as per that entity's will. This myth was busted at some point when I witnessed so many wrong things happening in front of my own eyes and that powerful entity who was supposed to watch and take note of things didn't do anything to stop these atrocities. I realized that no one was watching. No one can watch everyone at the same time and monitor what they are doing. We are on our own and there is no virtue in doing something good just because someone is watching us. One should be good irrespective of whether anyone is watching or not, otherwise, it is a forced act not spontaneous or based on our own conscience. 

Religion particularly uses the concept of an omnipresent god who is supposed to be present everywhere and watch everyone all the time. All who believe in religion accept this notion of this omnipresent entity, addressed by different names in different religions. However, after witnessing various atrocities committed in the name of religion one can see that this threat is clearly not working. Communal violence is a glaring problem even today and all religions are guilty of this. People who believe in a real sense of community welfare and peace will behave with compassion and love with or without religion. Any civilized person does not need any threat or lure to behave compassionately towards others. Hatemongers will perpetuate hate and violence by using whatever tool they get, religion, politics, or anything else. Hence, ask yourself how will you behave with others if no one is watching. This will give you an understanding of your moral compass. If you behave nice because of fear or some lure like heaven, try to be nice without fear or lure. If you hate someone because of their religion/race/gender/sexual orientation/nationality/caste, try to ask how will you feel if someone hates you just because of your identity associated with those tags. If you feel inclined to justify hate and violence against certain communities ask yourself what if someone does the same to your community. These questions may make you feel uncomfortable and may challenge your perceptions and beliefs that are the result of years of brainwashing, but they will also help you to see your own hypocrisy and encourage you to get rid of your double standards. These questions did make me feel uncomfortable when I asked them myself, but they helped me to improve and become a better person. I hope you don't harbor feelings of hate and violence against any religion, community, or person just because they are different than you. I hope you are nice to others even when no one is watching.     

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com